'Blazing' Grass Skirts

"Tiki? We don't need no stinking tiki!"

No doubt there are some of you in the audience who have sharpened your pineapple spears with eager anticipation of driving them through our fragile hearts. But wait, let's explain.

So there we were, couch surfing with a bottle of Spectrum Silver in one hand, a can of red bull in the other, and a universal remote control in the other, and we suddenly land on Two Mules for Sister Sara. Now I must make it part of the public record that a cheap whore dressed as a nun is about as sexy as it gets. And there ain't never been a blue-balling like Clint "Hogan" Eastwood got from hella hottie MacLaine. Although we gotta lay it out that she actually was hotter in the habit than in the parasol, though the mule's got some class all of it's own. And suddenly we're in commercial break, and whadaya know. Turns out July 22nd, the day of our second world-famous croquet outing for 2006, is actually "National Day of the Cowboy"! Yah, really!

Obviously we would love to do the tiki thing pretty much every croquet tournament. However, we would never be able to live with ourselves if we brazenly ommitted so important a date as NDotC. Furthermore, who needs The Outlaw Josey Wales or worse The Three Amigos coming after you in the middle of the night?! Meanwhile we couldn't very well have Stacy "Hula Mama" Dalton or Dave "Beach Baby" Navarette do us damage with wild orchids and pineapple spears. So we, you're ever-considerate and always compromisingly positioned organizers, have decided to throw caution (and quite a bit more) to the wind and try to satisfy everyone.

Hence cowboys, grass skirts, pineapples, and horse thieves. What's not to love? Just imagine all the fun you'll have pairing coconut bras with spurs and chaps (and that means *you* Stakland, and *you* Evil-gnome Olsen!)