Winner's Circle Tourney #3

[l to r] Rob Hibbs (in the picture for no good reason), Joe Moschak (eyeing that jacket for his next time), Robert Reeder (just looking damn smug after his resounding win), and Eric Rusch (finding that tie just not as comfortable as the jacket would have been)

Notice in the second picture how Eric is fondly gazing at the jacket and Joe just disoriented by coming in 3rd place.

The Low Down on Tourney #3

So, here we are, after yet another round of fabulous mallet-work. The jacket's found a new back to rest on for a while, and two of the ties changed necks. It was an event of magnificent proportions. To be perfectly honest the proportions were more than some of the organizers could quite manage. If this event was to be broken down into a single visual, it would have to be a hippopotamus. Not just because we like that word - hippopotamus - or that we're spelling masochists, but far more importantly because it was a spectacle to behold and yet a beast larger that we should have attempted to chew.

What does all this mean, really? Basically, we've seen the last of the 6-way rounds. From here on we're sticking to four players per round. This is partially because Jonii has promised to skewer us and start a boycott if we don't (a threat like that coming from a woman wearing sashimi pyjama pants has to be taken seriously!), but also because we've come to our senses. Rob and I thought hard for over 24 hours trying to come up with a decent excuse for our cerebral lapse, but really that lapse continues on into our attempts at any story at all! Let's just leave it as lessons learned. A schedule for public stonings and floggings will be announced at the next tournament. [BTW, it was all Hibbsy's fault]

Now, on to the important stuff - the low-down on the hoe-down.

As was to be expected with six balls in a round, there was more than enough testosterone induced gaming going on. The initial slow start on Center Court was rivaled somewhat with the fiercer pace of the Dragon's back. And the first hour and a half long game on the Dragon's back motivated the next round to get their act on the road sooner. Of course, as with Wimbledon, which only wishes it were compared to the great greens of Larch Avenue, Center Court got full attention regardless of the pace of play. The languid pace of the prelims, caused primarily by the tremendous pressure and disorienting effect of multiple black and blue balls, gave way to a far brisker final bout. The briskness may have been encouraged by the dramatic drop in mercury: the promise of a warm jacket to combat the chill had the motivating effect that neither Julie Stephens' supreme mas caliente chili nor flame-broiled tofu wieners had managed thus far.

Let's stop for a moment, smell the daisies and talk about the really important thing at the BCC. As awake listeners at Tourney #2 will recall, the BCC values fashion sense almost above all else. Tourney #3 put all previous runway action to shame. There are those that we expect to see with fabulous threads, and they did not disappoint. Goj "You Only Wish You Had These Pants" Allen came in with a solid showing of dapper striped satin. Yup, this guy's here to turn heads. Jonii "You Ain't Got Nothin' on My Pants" Raman came back in high pyjama fashion, this time with sushi and sashimi printed bottoms, and Allison "You Can't Touch This" Honeycutt waltzed in with a red velvet queen-of-hearts dress that virtually put everyone to shame. This woman really knows what it's about! As with any BCC feature, there's always the guy that comes out from behind to surprise the crowds. Johan "The Real Mr. John Steed" Svensson arrived with an ensemble to match Allison's, with the only failing of missing an umbrella. Crisp black suit, slightly tilted bowler hat, spit-shined shoes, and the cherry on top of a polka-dot tie made Johan the man to beat in regalia next time round. Goj, take note, Johan's not going to lie down quietly! Other notables were Robert Reeder's "Disco King" shirt, Dale's "I'm going to blind you with my red shirt" red shirt, and last but my no means least Lila "I Used to be a Squirrel In My Last Life" Wallace's [faux] fur jacket. All in all a very decent showing of debonair duds.

Ok, back to the game. The final round saw Joe Moschak, Johan Svensson, Robert Reeder, Erik Rusch, Denyce Rusch, and Lila Wallace, advance out of their prelim and semi-final rounds. Since there were no wildcard rounds at all, an arbitrary executive decision was undertaken to include at least one wildcard player. Since fashion sense is something we have always valued very highly at the BCC, the wildcard player had to be one that embodied all the values we idolize. The long and painful decision finally came down to Goj "You Only Wish You Had These Pants" Allen and Allison "Queen of Hearts" Honeycutt. Since Johan "The Real Mr. John Steed" Svensson was already in the final bout, it seemed hardly fair to include him in a wildcard competition as well [we could go into the issues of duality in a relativistic existence, and other such conundra, but we really don't have time for that crap right now]! Ultimately Allison's vindictive personality was what won out - because that's what we commentators freezing our asses off really wanted to see: a vicious woman going after men's croquet balls.

Not satisfied with being granted such a fabulous boon, Ms. Honeycutt was quick to point out soon after the lineup was randomly picked that she did not get the red ball to go with her red outfit. The men sensibly gave in to her demands, and the game was good to go.

A very professional and focused start took Johan, Eric and Reeder through the first 2 wickets without hesitation. Moschak encountered a slight hiccup, but came through without getting his panties in a wad. Allison teed off well. Lila, fur jacket possibly adding to the weight of final round pressures was distracted by the very first wicket. An entirely new approach to croquet was brought to this tournament by Denyce Rusch. Most players either position themselves for easy follow-through on their next shot, or hinder the plans of their competitors. Denyce's unique strategy was to place her ball directly in the path of a wicket, but in such a manner as to provide her competition no option but to help her through the wicket along with their own ball! It's a technique we may see becoming more prevalent at the BCC, considering Dale Stephens' billiards-type approach to ball deflection, aka The Daler, has gained popularity since Tourney #2. Denyce managed to successfully deploy this tactic, heretofore refered to as The Denyce, again, making a smooth run through 3 with a fellow contestant's reluctant help. The path from 3 to the rear stake saw a shake-out and traffic jams, with all players expecting to take solid leads. The rear stake saw Eric Rusch, Johan and Robert Reeder all vying for first place, with Joe Moschak and Denyce not far behind. Allison was slightly delayed at stake 3, which seemed to be her Achilles' heel, and Lila was lost somewhere on the pitch.

Johan, Eric and Robert Reeder played the sort of croquet that Wimbledon probably had people fawning over - straight up, focused, and the sort of thing you could take the queen mother to. Outstanding skill brought Reeder to the home stake. Eric, obviously miffed at not having won back the jacket, had to contend for beating out Johan and Joe Moschak for the second place tie. Allison, now sufficiently far enough behind to come to the realization that her only hope for glory was to go for her usual tactic of attacking men's balls, gave up all dreams of winning the marroon jacket. [Truth be told, and this is probably blasphemy to most, the jacket really doesn't have anythingt on Allison's outfit!] Allison also has the knack of convincing all the other women on the course to go with her plan of attack. This time was no different: Lila Wallace was convinced pretty quickly, having not made it past wicket #3, and joined forces with Allison to derail both Johan and Joe from getting third place position. The objective, seemingly, was to give Denyce a chance to get into the winner's circle. Unfortunately, Allison may have been a little too convincing in her derailment agenda, and Denyce seems to also have gotten on the bandwagon of ball bashing. So basically, going after the other balls was for no reason other than to go after the other balls!

Fortunately for Johan and Joe, neither Allison nor Lila could aim - probably due to a combination of faulty mallets and the cold. Whatever the excuses, Joe Moschak's mallet swinging was superb, and he proved why he's the man to be taken seriously in any future tournament. Johan, only one stroke behind at most also put on a great showing - both in his cool casual style of play, and in his primo outfit. As the other John Steed said "So much for science, I'll stick to swordplay", and that may just be the kinda game Johan brings back to the BCC next time round.

Joe Moschak arrived, very well deservedly, into the winner's circle at third place, to wear a sporty tie reading Eat Your Wheaties. Eric Rusch, anticipating a return to his jacket wearing past, but loathe to give up his position, managed to retain his second place tie reading "Almost Sucka". And strutting about in the perfectly fitting marroon blazer of croquet champions, Robert Reeder, with no thanks to home-court advantage, claimed first with consistently outstanding play.