Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Foreign Immigrant Exchange Croquet



You've come here seeking knowledge, yes? Good, we have been expecting you. I know, you are impatient and want to know exactly who you're up against so you can figure out your exact strategy. Hold your hosses Julio, we're going to take this easy. Like the INS. This is Foreign Exchange Croquet, so you'd better get used to the Customs check, the Visa lines and the joy of bureaucracy.

Got yourself comfy? Alrighty then.

This season's croquet opener promises some goodies. First up, new course. Center Court has been re-assigned to better pastures. We now have a fabulous, larger, more pitted, and better positioned pitch which is going to make all you hard-core mallet handlers very very happy. Or very very angry. Either way we're thrilled :-)

Now for the creme de la croquet. We've got an treat for those of you who like to dress up (and maybe an extra special threat for those of you who don't). Don't forget Baba's priority is all about style. We're going to institute the Instant Green Card Lottery rule.

Now we all know that the best-dressed *should* make it to the finals, but sometimes life can be so unfair. This is where Baba's comes to the the rescue. Yeah, we have some Zoloft in the back room, but more importantly we give you the gratification of messing with the finalists. The best-dressed mallet masher gets the opportunity to swap any two balls during the final round.

So, things to keep in mind before starting your Green Card Lottery application:
1. The best dressed player (yes, this rule is only open to those who are actually playing at some point during the night) is the ONLY one who gets the Green Card.
2. You don't have to actually play in the final round to be able to swap balls. So you can be chucking wedges all night and still find the promised land.
The Instant Foreign Resident gets to swap any two balls in the final round any time during the game for absolutely no reason at all. But this can only be done ONCE.
3. If a swap is to happen, the ball swap MUST happen before both swapees become natural poison. [Huh, what?!]. So, what this means is that natural-poison balls are off limits for the swap. But everyone else is fair game, including premature-poison.
4. The Green Card swap cannot happen during a turn. Just the same way you can't have a Green Card and an H1 together. Wait for the end of a turn to make the swap.

I hear a lot of you saying "oh it's so unfair" and "i feel completely out of control". Yeah, welcome to the Green Card and naturalization process amigos.

Last thing we should add - the lineup in the other post (see the grid below or above). Some of you are wait listed, and we'd love to see you play. We've been dreaming about Samurai Shrosbree going up against Team Mexico Middle Management. So, work on teaming up with one of the lone wolves and see if we can't get everyone on the courts.

And there it is. Oye Como Va, comrades!