This blog, just in case there was any confusion, is to document the valiant excesses, depraved indifferences, and dumb luck that befalls those who step on to Baba's Croquet Club's manicured pitch. If you are a current or ex- contestant of the course, and would like to provide your $0.02, we welcome you. Let's get it on!
Baba's Tourney #2
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Baba's Croquet Club, Tournament #2
The latest round of croquet at Baba's Croquet Competition brought us competitive mallet play of the sort rarely seen on any backyard courses, and will, by all accounts, rest as one of the peaks in BCC history.
Game rules were changed to accommodate for a more aggressive play style. The spread guaranteed every player at least two rounds of competition. A maximum of 16 players, four to each round, sent first and second place contenders into the semifinal rounds. To add to the spectacle of mallet bashing, a wildcard entry was created. The third and forth contestants in each round were pitted against other thirds and fourths, to elimination. Essentially, the wildcard player is the one who trumps all the 3rd and 4th placers.
A [Relatively] Peaceful Start [click to expand/collapse]
Pitch A, aka Center Court, started off with Allison Honeycutt, Christina England, Hans Olsen, and Robert Reeder. As was to be expected in an early round, play was sensible, orderly, and quite civil. Aside from snide comments from the commentators and the fans, the competition was very fair, and gamesmanship was honored above all else. Basically a pretty boring game that resulted in Hans and Robert coming out in 1st and 2nd places respectively. Christina and Allison moved on to the wild-card elimination round, for a chance to get back on the pain-stakingly groomed Center Court.
Pitch B, also referred to as "The Dragon’s Back" due to its abusive and rugged treatment on contestants commenced with Stacy Dalton, Denyce Rusch, Hillary Swanson, and Goj Allen in that putting order. As with the first round on Center Court, this game promised to be a regular and up-front type of match. A brisk start by Stacy was followed by Denyce, who experienced some difficulty with the irregularity of the pitch. Hillary managed to course through the first wickets without issue, and Goj malleted on for a good start. The naming of courses and rounds at the BCC has never been frivolous, and the Dragon Court came out of its brief placid reverie. Goj, who had planned his attack well ahead of the game, was outfitted to intimidate. A pair of bright orange pants with flames licking up the side from foot to knee made Goj the perfect contestant for the Dragon's welcome. And these pants weren't just posturing. Within the first 3 strokes, the Dragon's bite had brought the flames all the way from foot to mallet, and with little hesitation Hillary fell to the brunt of Goj's croqueting, much to her dismay. Goj with a swift, calculated move, set the tone of his play by solidly knocking Ms. Swanson off the course, well into the East rough. The Dalton croquet talent shone through with Stacy's solid mallet handling, and advancement through wickets. Goj's appetite for destruction whetted by the early devouring of the unsuspecting Hillary, barreled on. Denyce Rusch, un-intimidated by such bravado, smoothly moved through the wickets, taking second place behind the unstoppable Stacy Dalton, and both moved on to the semifinals. Goj and Hillary detoured to the wild-card eliminations.
Center Court's second round pitted Sundar Raman, Heather/Gilberto, Jonii Raman, and Eric Rusch, against each other. And just in case you were wondering, Heather/Gilberto is not referring to the latest resurfacing of a bossa nova smash duet. Rather it was Heather Miller who opted for the team approach, with beau Gilberto at her side. Startup was solid for Sundar, Jonii and Eric, but Team Heather was dislodged by wicket 1, which angled a good shot off to the side, requiring multiple strokes to return in the proper direction. An unfortunate and costly mistake that would take this player to last place. Brisk movement forward through wickets 3, 4 and 5 with Sundar in the lead, Eric a close second and Jonii an equally close third promised a concise, and probably mundane run through this course. Wicket 6 brought Sundar and Eric into a stare-off, with Eric's ball just blocking Sundar's path to the half-way wicket. Sundar, naïve to the ways of the BCC courses and obviously unsure of his abilities, decided for a croqueting of Eric's ball. As the crowd roared for a good solid whack that would satisfy their need for some early blood, Sundar lined up Eric's ball, swung mallet in a gentle arc, and knocked Eric off course by a grand total of about 3 feet. The crowd could only scratch heads in bewilderment at this seemingly pansy-ass move. Eric, not one to stand idly by while being brushed off course, returned with a croquet'ing of his own against Sundar. There's a reason this man has the purple blazer of champions - and it's not for pussyfooting around when the moment is upon him! Sundar's ball lined up, a steady foot on his own, and a good hard swing of the mallet sent Sundar off hunting in the NorthWest woods - a good 20 foot detour. Jonii meanwhile was back in the running for 2nd place. Eric moved on briskly on the back-side of the course, Jonii giving chase, and Sundar, after a three stroke return to the green now in third. Team Heather, mired in the mis-malleting at 2 and 3 was still in 4th place on this round. Some excellent ball whacking on Eric's part gave him a strong lead, with no chance for a loss of 1st place. Jonii's 2nd place position, however, was quickly usurped by Sundar on his return to the course. The final outcome moved Eric and Sundar to the semi-final round, and Jonii and Team Heather to the wildcard eliminations.
Pitch B, also referred to as "The Dragon’s Back" due to its abusive and rugged treatment on contestants commenced with Stacy Dalton, Denyce Rusch, Hillary Swanson, and Goj Allen in that putting order. As with the first round on Center Court, this game promised to be a regular and up-front type of match. A brisk start by Stacy was followed by Denyce, who experienced some difficulty with the irregularity of the pitch. Hillary managed to course through the first wickets without issue, and Goj malleted on for a good start. The naming of courses and rounds at the BCC has never been frivolous, and the Dragon Court came out of its brief placid reverie. Goj, who had planned his attack well ahead of the game, was outfitted to intimidate. A pair of bright orange pants with flames licking up the side from foot to knee made Goj the perfect contestant for the Dragon's welcome. And these pants weren't just posturing. Within the first 3 strokes, the Dragon's bite had brought the flames all the way from foot to mallet, and with little hesitation Hillary fell to the brunt of Goj's croqueting, much to her dismay. Goj with a swift, calculated move, set the tone of his play by solidly knocking Ms. Swanson off the course, well into the East rough. The Dalton croquet talent shone through with Stacy's solid mallet handling, and advancement through wickets. Goj's appetite for destruction whetted by the early devouring of the unsuspecting Hillary, barreled on. Denyce Rusch, un-intimidated by such bravado, smoothly moved through the wickets, taking second place behind the unstoppable Stacy Dalton, and both moved on to the semifinals. Goj and Hillary detoured to the wild-card eliminations.
Center Court's second round pitted Sundar Raman, Heather/Gilberto, Jonii Raman, and Eric Rusch, against each other. And just in case you were wondering, Heather/Gilberto is not referring to the latest resurfacing of a bossa nova smash duet. Rather it was Heather Miller who opted for the team approach, with beau Gilberto at her side. Startup was solid for Sundar, Jonii and Eric, but Team Heather was dislodged by wicket 1, which angled a good shot off to the side, requiring multiple strokes to return in the proper direction. An unfortunate and costly mistake that would take this player to last place. Brisk movement forward through wickets 3, 4 and 5 with Sundar in the lead, Eric a close second and Jonii an equally close third promised a concise, and probably mundane run through this course. Wicket 6 brought Sundar and Eric into a stare-off, with Eric's ball just blocking Sundar's path to the half-way wicket. Sundar, naïve to the ways of the BCC courses and obviously unsure of his abilities, decided for a croqueting of Eric's ball. As the crowd roared for a good solid whack that would satisfy their need for some early blood, Sundar lined up Eric's ball, swung mallet in a gentle arc, and knocked Eric off course by a grand total of about 3 feet. The crowd could only scratch heads in bewilderment at this seemingly pansy-ass move. Eric, not one to stand idly by while being brushed off course, returned with a croquet'ing of his own against Sundar. There's a reason this man has the purple blazer of champions - and it's not for pussyfooting around when the moment is upon him! Sundar's ball lined up, a steady foot on his own, and a good hard swing of the mallet sent Sundar off hunting in the NorthWest woods - a good 20 foot detour. Jonii meanwhile was back in the running for 2nd place. Eric moved on briskly on the back-side of the course, Jonii giving chase, and Sundar, after a three stroke return to the green now in third. Team Heather, mired in the mis-malleting at 2 and 3 was still in 4th place on this round. Some excellent ball whacking on Eric's part gave him a strong lead, with no chance for a loss of 1st place. Jonii's 2nd place position, however, was quickly usurped by Sundar on his return to the course. The final outcome moved Eric and Sundar to the semi-final round, and Jonii and Team Heather to the wildcard eliminations.
The Viciousness Commences [click to expand/collapse]
The Dragon’s Back then took on Rob Hibbs, Dale Stephens, Joe Moschak, and Shana Cordon. Joe Moschak’s name being drawn first from the hat, graced him with “lady luck” and the lead to tee-off. Dale, Shana, and Rob followed in sequence. Joe broke the gates with a rather timid drive piercing only the first wicket which then forced him to muster up some finesse to advance through the second. Finally, a carefully calculated third stroke left him in prime position in front of the 3rd wicket for a somewhat, seemingly comfortable lead. Dale Stevens, known to be a reckless reaper of havoc would live up to his reputation. Teeing off, a firm boom of the club set him past the second wicket with two strokes to spare, which he would use to welcome Joe to Baba’s Croquet tournament. Dale swayed his next shot directly at Joe’s ball hitting it without any remorse whatsoever. Dale took a moment, scratched his chin, grabbed his ball and proceeded to line up Joe’s for a southward bound journey. Dale lined it up and “Crack, Boom”! This blasting of Joe’s ball set off a series of unimaginable deja-vu’s that would later be known as a night full of senseless battery and endless gutt wrenching anxiety for Joe. Dale then played his turn out for a very cozy lead just past the 3rd wicket.
Meanwhile, Shana having a tough time juggling her barbequed veggie burger and game strategy (which was a mystery at this point) became stuck at the 1st wicket, troubled, bewildered and slightly frustrated. Rob’s tee sent his ball clear through the second wicket and quickly used his two strokes to advance through the 3rd. A somewhat crucial moment now set upon him as he was faced with the opportunity of going for Dale’s ball and a possible croquet and/or an extra shot, a choice every player faces at some point in their round. Abandoning all decency, he proceeded to shoot for Daler’s ball, then advanced himself to the center wicket in perfect position for his next turn. Joe, surprisingly, kept up with the pace on his turn and stayed true to be in Dale’s way each time causing a repetitive scene from the previous experience he had just had. Some lessons are hard learned! Joe must have been questioning why his good nature was being taken advantage of (to the back alley for a good pummel each time). Did Dale have a sudden personal vendetta with this kind, courteous player or was he just the tenacious type that took it out on any fool that got between him and the maroon jacket?
As the round progressed, Rob took a decisive lead making each shot count while Dale and Joe played tug of war (or perhaps tug of peace, from Joe’s perspective). Dale at one point in the match shouted out “This man’s running away with the victory” in reference to Rob. Shana, still battling the wickets more than anything else saw the potential to go after the leader and possibly stir up the pot realizing her chances to finish in the top two spots were dwindling. After many attempts to hit Rob’s ball the chips began to fall to the way-side and Shana knew she would have to regroup and pull her game together for the WildCard round. As was to be expected from the tone set early in this match Dale advanced to the semi-finals with Rob, while Joe and Shana went back to the strategy board.
The first round of wildcard elimination, comprising the 3rd and 4th placers of the prelims, was Hillary Swanson, Christina England, Jonii Raman and Joe Moschak. Hillary, mistaking the BCC for a languid walk in the park, went off to take care of some errands. Out here in the corn-fields we wait for no-one, and the game, proverbially, did go on. Hillary returned as the game was well under way, putting her in convincing last place. Alert readers will have noticed the Dragon Court's need for at least one firebrand. This round did not disappoint, and Hillary, with gusto, took on that role. Well aware of her impending elimination from this round, Hillary chose to go after the lead player rather than for a fair game. Exactly the sort of play we hold in high regard at the BCC! A freak conflagration of planetary transits put Joe Moschak on the receiving end of all malice in this tournament. Hillary, aiming to destroy Joe, managed a couple of decent croquets, but the attack was just too little for a man of such immense talents. The Dragon Court fell to Joe's superior ball-play, and moved him on to the last round of wildcard eliminations. Jonii came in second, giving her another chance at glory.
The second wildcard round was Allison, Shana, Team Heather and Goj- a 3 female 1 dragon tamer in flaming pants round of play. Allison and Shana advanced out of this lineup, with Team Heather and Goj determined to return with a stronger show in the next tournament.
Meanwhile, Shana having a tough time juggling her barbequed veggie burger and game strategy (which was a mystery at this point) became stuck at the 1st wicket, troubled, bewildered and slightly frustrated. Rob’s tee sent his ball clear through the second wicket and quickly used his two strokes to advance through the 3rd. A somewhat crucial moment now set upon him as he was faced with the opportunity of going for Dale’s ball and a possible croquet and/or an extra shot, a choice every player faces at some point in their round. Abandoning all decency, he proceeded to shoot for Daler’s ball, then advanced himself to the center wicket in perfect position for his next turn. Joe, surprisingly, kept up with the pace on his turn and stayed true to be in Dale’s way each time causing a repetitive scene from the previous experience he had just had. Some lessons are hard learned! Joe must have been questioning why his good nature was being taken advantage of (to the back alley for a good pummel each time). Did Dale have a sudden personal vendetta with this kind, courteous player or was he just the tenacious type that took it out on any fool that got between him and the maroon jacket?
As the round progressed, Rob took a decisive lead making each shot count while Dale and Joe played tug of war (or perhaps tug of peace, from Joe’s perspective). Dale at one point in the match shouted out “This man’s running away with the victory” in reference to Rob. Shana, still battling the wickets more than anything else saw the potential to go after the leader and possibly stir up the pot realizing her chances to finish in the top two spots were dwindling. After many attempts to hit Rob’s ball the chips began to fall to the way-side and Shana knew she would have to regroup and pull her game together for the WildCard round. As was to be expected from the tone set early in this match Dale advanced to the semi-finals with Rob, while Joe and Shana went back to the strategy board.
The first round of wildcard elimination, comprising the 3rd and 4th placers of the prelims, was Hillary Swanson, Christina England, Jonii Raman and Joe Moschak. Hillary, mistaking the BCC for a languid walk in the park, went off to take care of some errands. Out here in the corn-fields we wait for no-one, and the game, proverbially, did go on. Hillary returned as the game was well under way, putting her in convincing last place. Alert readers will have noticed the Dragon Court's need for at least one firebrand. This round did not disappoint, and Hillary, with gusto, took on that role. Well aware of her impending elimination from this round, Hillary chose to go after the lead player rather than for a fair game. Exactly the sort of play we hold in high regard at the BCC! A freak conflagration of planetary transits put Joe Moschak on the receiving end of all malice in this tournament. Hillary, aiming to destroy Joe, managed a couple of decent croquets, but the attack was just too little for a man of such immense talents. The Dragon Court fell to Joe's superior ball-play, and moved him on to the last round of wildcard eliminations. Jonii came in second, giving her another chance at glory.
The second wildcard round was Allison, Shana, Team Heather and Goj- a 3 female 1 dragon tamer in flaming pants round of play. Allison and Shana advanced out of this lineup, with Team Heather and Goj determined to return with a stronger show in the next tournament.
A Pivotal Point [click to expand/collapse]
Unfornately, with all the excitement going on in both courts, the second semi-final match featuring Hans, Reeder, Stacy and Denyce received a half portion of air time. Luckily the most critical moments were captured by the gentlemen in the booth. With Reeder playing a stellar round in the semi's he seemed to waltz his way to finish first, with the grace we've come to expect. The second place ticket to the finals however, had not been claimed and it literally was a three way battle for that second spot. With Stacy and Denyce both approaching the last two wickets and finishing up their respective turns it was now or never for Hans. Hanging on by a thread, he first made a three footer to advance through the 12th wicket and was now looking at a long 15 foot approach shot to the 13th. With pause and 3 glasses of wine consumed it was time for an impossible shot. He lined it up, pulled the club back and "knock"! If God had interviened at any moment in the tournament it was this shot. Hans ball rolled seamlessly to the 13th wicket, banked off the right side of the steel and stopped one foot through. Ecstactic glee rang from the depths of Hans' belly. "What a shot", he said. The crowd holding there faces in amazement watch as he jumped in the air with excitement and then followed up by making his next shot through the last arch and finally to the home stake. Stacy and Denyce shaking their heads in dis-belief and clutching their clubs in a 'too late scenario gone bad', realized that they would have to wait for another day to make a run at 'The Maroon Beauty'. Robert and Hans advanced to the finals.
Civility Exits Stage Left [click to expand/collapse]
The completion of a reasonably civil round of croquet, with only a few errant antagonistic croquet putts off the course, lead to the WildCard Finals, out of which only one malleteer would proceed. The lineup of Joe, Jonii, Allison, and Shana promised to be interesting. The round started off reasonably well - all players teeing off adroitly, wicket 1 and 2 being pierced with nary a backwards glance. All four players moved on, wicket 3, and 4 falling by the wayside with none looking obviously ahead of the others. Smooth play, with each player still contending for the lead, saw Joe only slightly ahead. As wicket 5 approached, it became apparent that Joe was definitely one to head on, and attempt to leave the women in the dust. Coincidentally, all three of Joe's opponents appear to have had a bit of trouble at the 5th - enabling his decisive lead. The women may have been distracted by their fashion sense, which should be noted. Allison's little-Annie red outfit; Shana's 50's inspired rolled up jeans, and dark top; and Jonii's unique dark pajama bottoms with a bright pink Pepe' le Pew top commenced what might become a tradition of cool threads. The unfortunate aspect of this may be the mis-match of balls to outfits. Shana and Allison, in black and red respectively, were stumped at wicket 5 with the reverse coloring of their balls. Joe, unfettered by such fashion faux-pas, barrelled on to the half-way point, hitting the stake with confidence and knowledge of taking the lead. His smoothly return through wickets 8 and 9, with Jonii, Allison and Shana tailing at least 3 wickets behind. Joe marched on, with patient, precise strokes, through wicket 10. With Joe's confident path through 10, Jonii arrived at the half-way stake, and started the return trip through 8 and 9. Jonii's passage through 9 saw Joe ease through 11, and Allison's arrival at the rear stake. Joe now should have been seeing a clear passage to the home stretch - no brakes for anyone.
But the WildCard Finals are not named so without good reason. With no consolation for 2nd place, the true nature of the game bubbled up, as Allison realized that Joe had to be kept from coming out ahead at all costs. With the sort of camaraderie that only women downtrodden by a man can garner, Allison and Jonii joined forces to keep Joe from the home stake, throwing caution to the wind, and with no care for their passage through the designated wickets. Joe could not, in all his croquet-laden dreams, have envisaged a more harrowing ordeal than the one to which he was to be subject to. Allison attacked head on - driving straight for croquet against Joe - a straight shot from just behind wicket 10 all the way to Joe's ball just past 12. A gutsy move that required at least a bit of planning and focus. She missed by inches. Allison, up next, decided to go for the same strategy - 'go after The Man'. A long shot, from just outside 8 going up against Joe at 12, would have done everyone proud.
But the shot was shy. Jonii, having given her word to back up Allison, should she miss Joe, took the same path after him only to suffer the same fate as Allison. Both of the players balls lay up against the fence just beyond joe's ball. Joe, still not quite gleaning the forces he was up against, patiently putted on to 13, missing by a few inches and positioning himself just off to the right of the wicket. Allison, still in the heat of,"anyone but a man should win", went right after Joe, Again she missed; by a hair her ball sailed by him. Jonii, unfazed, just outside 12, went for a 6 ft putt off the broad side of the mallet, which landed right on Joe, knocking his ball a foot. Croquet! With the obvious gusto of one going for the jugular, Jonii positioned her ball against Joe's, aimed it out past the home stake with the intention that he would have to traverse back to 13, raised mallet and whacked. A good thock and Joe was off into the rough by about 10 ft. Not a bad shot, but by no means a clincher as far as putting Joe out of action. Shana, absent from the heated 'anti-Joe movement' on the course, steadfastly played through the wickets, focused on the game and arrived at wicket 9. Joe, on his turn was determined to come back into play. A swift thwack on his ball put him back on the green, missing Jonii by a foot. He may have thought the one attempt to disrupt his game may have been all he was destined for, but he had another thing coming. Allison, still on the green, positioned around #13 was within a few feet of Joe. With the knowledge that she still had nothing to loose, she headed straight for Joe, croquet on her mind. But it was not to be - her ball travelled past with no intent of knocking on anything. Jonii up, once again an aim for Joe, a solid whack, and croquet! Realizing that the previous direction she had sent him in was insufficient, Jonii decided to go for a different destination in the rough. Some heckling by the commentators and the fans gave her pause, and she decided to remove her sandals - the thought being that bare feet would provide for a better grip on her ball, and allow for sending Joe's ball further off into the rough. Once again, a good aim, solid mallet handling, and a hard knock to send Joe off the course - this time off to the right of the home stake, about 5 feet into the rough. As was to be expected, Joe’s stoic gamesmanship was not to be put down by such rampant pettiness. Joe returned to the pitch with a calculated knock, and to the wild adulation of the audience, managed to hit Jonii's ball. A tremendous comeback, which now put Joe in the strongman's seat.
Hard decisions now faced this man - would he go for the wicket, or go for sweet revenge? The crowd waited with baited breath as Joe poised himself, debating the merits of each move. Joe's decision to go for the rabid croqueting of Jonii's ball was met with great glee from the fans, who had thus far watched as he was beat down repeatedly and yet stood back up with as much poise as one attacked by three enraged women possibly could. The change of heart in the bleachers from going for the underdog women to now supporting the valiant ball-play of this croquet hero was something to behold. As Joe positioned himself, aiming to send Jonii's ball off into the North end of the rough, the crowd fell silent - a moment of silence for the man who had battled with conscience and emotion, and had finally succumbed to the dark-side of emotion. A confident swing ended in a resounding knock, sending Jonii's ball well on its way to the corn fields. Now Joe's only obstacle was Allison, since his positioning was such that wickets 13 and 14 were lined up perfectly for a single stroke finish. Allison, now knowing that this was a do-or-die scenario, aimed right for the yellow ball. Would this be the stroke that broke her repeated failed attempts at dislodging Joe's lead? The deck appeared stacked against Allison. Aim, swing, knock, whoosh. No luck! Such disappointment - Allison's crestfallen visage would have brought tears to the audience had they not changed allegiance so callously. The crowd was now well behind Joe, whose previous setup was just perfect for a two stroke finish. If ever a player on Baba's course deserved a win, it was this man, who fought all odds, maintained infinite calm, and managed to come back on top even after a three pronged attack by his rivals. Joe's post-game wrap-up perfectly summarized the game - "I haven't had that much female attention in five years".
But the WildCard Finals are not named so without good reason. With no consolation for 2nd place, the true nature of the game bubbled up, as Allison realized that Joe had to be kept from coming out ahead at all costs. With the sort of camaraderie that only women downtrodden by a man can garner, Allison and Jonii joined forces to keep Joe from the home stake, throwing caution to the wind, and with no care for their passage through the designated wickets. Joe could not, in all his croquet-laden dreams, have envisaged a more harrowing ordeal than the one to which he was to be subject to. Allison attacked head on - driving straight for croquet against Joe - a straight shot from just behind wicket 10 all the way to Joe's ball just past 12. A gutsy move that required at least a bit of planning and focus. She missed by inches. Allison, up next, decided to go for the same strategy - 'go after The Man'. A long shot, from just outside 8 going up against Joe at 12, would have done everyone proud.
But the shot was shy. Jonii, having given her word to back up Allison, should she miss Joe, took the same path after him only to suffer the same fate as Allison. Both of the players balls lay up against the fence just beyond joe's ball. Joe, still not quite gleaning the forces he was up against, patiently putted on to 13, missing by a few inches and positioning himself just off to the right of the wicket. Allison, still in the heat of,"anyone but a man should win", went right after Joe, Again she missed; by a hair her ball sailed by him. Jonii, unfazed, just outside 12, went for a 6 ft putt off the broad side of the mallet, which landed right on Joe, knocking his ball a foot. Croquet! With the obvious gusto of one going for the jugular, Jonii positioned her ball against Joe's, aimed it out past the home stake with the intention that he would have to traverse back to 13, raised mallet and whacked. A good thock and Joe was off into the rough by about 10 ft. Not a bad shot, but by no means a clincher as far as putting Joe out of action. Shana, absent from the heated 'anti-Joe movement' on the course, steadfastly played through the wickets, focused on the game and arrived at wicket 9. Joe, on his turn was determined to come back into play. A swift thwack on his ball put him back on the green, missing Jonii by a foot. He may have thought the one attempt to disrupt his game may have been all he was destined for, but he had another thing coming. Allison, still on the green, positioned around #13 was within a few feet of Joe. With the knowledge that she still had nothing to loose, she headed straight for Joe, croquet on her mind. But it was not to be - her ball travelled past with no intent of knocking on anything. Jonii up, once again an aim for Joe, a solid whack, and croquet! Realizing that the previous direction she had sent him in was insufficient, Jonii decided to go for a different destination in the rough. Some heckling by the commentators and the fans gave her pause, and she decided to remove her sandals - the thought being that bare feet would provide for a better grip on her ball, and allow for sending Joe's ball further off into the rough. Once again, a good aim, solid mallet handling, and a hard knock to send Joe off the course - this time off to the right of the home stake, about 5 feet into the rough. As was to be expected, Joe’s stoic gamesmanship was not to be put down by such rampant pettiness. Joe returned to the pitch with a calculated knock, and to the wild adulation of the audience, managed to hit Jonii's ball. A tremendous comeback, which now put Joe in the strongman's seat.
Hard decisions now faced this man - would he go for the wicket, or go for sweet revenge? The crowd waited with baited breath as Joe poised himself, debating the merits of each move. Joe's decision to go for the rabid croqueting of Jonii's ball was met with great glee from the fans, who had thus far watched as he was beat down repeatedly and yet stood back up with as much poise as one attacked by three enraged women possibly could. The change of heart in the bleachers from going for the underdog women to now supporting the valiant ball-play of this croquet hero was something to behold. As Joe positioned himself, aiming to send Jonii's ball off into the North end of the rough, the crowd fell silent - a moment of silence for the man who had battled with conscience and emotion, and had finally succumbed to the dark-side of emotion. A confident swing ended in a resounding knock, sending Jonii's ball well on its way to the corn fields. Now Joe's only obstacle was Allison, since his positioning was such that wickets 13 and 14 were lined up perfectly for a single stroke finish. Allison, now knowing that this was a do-or-die scenario, aimed right for the yellow ball. Would this be the stroke that broke her repeated failed attempts at dislodging Joe's lead? The deck appeared stacked against Allison. Aim, swing, knock, whoosh. No luck! Such disappointment - Allison's crestfallen visage would have brought tears to the audience had they not changed allegiance so callously. The crowd was now well behind Joe, whose previous setup was just perfect for a two stroke finish. If ever a player on Baba's course deserved a win, it was this man, who fought all odds, maintained infinite calm, and managed to come back on top even after a three pronged attack by his rivals. Joe's post-game wrap-up perfectly summarized the game - "I haven't had that much female attention in five years".
The Final Round [click to expand/collapse]
Given Joe Moschak's stellar ball-play and mallet-handling, the other finalists must have felt the pressure mounting. Eric Rusch, the current champion fondled his maroon jacket, obviously not wishing to give it up. Dale Stephens, the Georgia werewolf, now appeared calm, but was this the calm before the lupine storm? Robert Reeder, with possible home-court advantage, looked confident for the win, and gave up no emotion at all. Hans Olsen, who stated his goals early on, of just coming out in front and kicking ass, was grinning, possibly as a form of intimidation of his opponents. And Joe Moschak, hero of just moments ago warmed himself up with a few practice knocks, bracing himself for the fierce, mounting competition.
This final round of croquet buffs started off strong for the most part. Reeder, however, was foiled at the onset by a sidewards deflection by Dale, putting him a few feet off his path to wicket 2. Palpable disappointment for Robert, who had fancied himself to have a strong lead. Hans Olsen in the lead at wicket 4, with Eric approaching at a strong second place. Joe Moschak and Dale not far behind just before #3. Eric and Hans moved on briskly, past 5, then on to 6. Hans lined up for a single stroke run to the half-way stake. Eric, 2 wickets behind, was still in the running, with the confidence that only a maroon jacket with rhinestones can impart.
The return trip started strong for Hans, with a single two wicket knock, which gave him 2 extra strokes. This is the sort of advantage that is often very hard to fight against, but never discount Eric Rusch, or the fanaticism that a BCC jacket brings! That's often the big question in events such as this - whether the attachment to the jacket trumps the desire to disrobe the sitting champion. This is the battle that Olsen and Rusch embarked on. Olsen, now at 11, which coincided with Reeder's wicket 4, put Reeder in a perfect position to destroy Hans' lead. Would he be swayed by Dale's ruthless strategy of knocking all opponents off course, or for Joe's patient and poised plan for a fair game? The crowds, as was to be expected, rooted for the former. Reeder, not one to fall for the dark side of emotional outbursts, barely glanced at Olsen's ball as he headed on towards 5 - which left Olsen still in the running for the home stretch. Given the state of the moon, i.e., full, Dale was virtually frothing at the mouth with the disapproval of Robert's conscientious move. Had Dale been given the opportunity to take on Olsen's ball, Hans may have been left out in the cornfields with a flashlight for a few hours. The crowd's disappointment with Reeder's fairness was just as visceral. Olsen, now with an open run to the home stake, took wicket 12 with ease, and positioned himself for a clear run.
Eric, now very aware of the fleeting nature of celebrity, and practically feeling the jacket ripped off his back by a vicious Hans Olsen, decided to go for some Hail Mary moves - attempted to knock Olsen's ball at 15 paces. But some things are just not meant to be. A miss of a few inches may as well have been a tossed mallet, and Eric's disappointment was felt by all. Then again, the crowd changes camp easily around here and it's possible that Eric's celebrity status was just not that favored any more. A clean stroke by Hans, a solid pegging of the home stake, and Hans was clawing at Eric's back, as was only to be expected. Eric, with obvious distaste for this upstart from Olsen, reluctantly disrobed, and at the final moments still clutched earnestly the lapels of the maroon jacket. Olsen, the obvious winner by at least 2 wickets, having no time or sympathy for the feelings of this man who got to wear the winner's blazer for a few weeks, snatched the jacket off Eric's grubby hands, and donned it with much evident glee! Olsen, proving definitely not to be underestimated came through on his promise to kick asses, take names, and come out ahead.
This left Eric and Dale vying for second place. Dale, one wicket behind Eric, was definitely in full lupine form - not wanting to allow Eric to win without a vicious fight. Reeder, now on the return leg worked conscientiously through the remaining wickets. The crowd may have been ready to write this solid player off, but this is one guy that does not say die! Meanwhile Moschak, who everyone had learned to never write off, was advancing on Dale. It may be recalled that Moschak had a vendetta with Dale - not one that anyone would have expected this mild-manner gentleman on the course to hold to, but then again, nothing's a sure thing at the BCC! Moschak, at 10 paces decided to go for a croquet against Dale. A total crowd pleaser, since this is exactly what this crowd bared favorable weather and excellent food for (yes, they're a vicious sort of audience out in the corn fields). Moschak's solid ball knocking sent Stephen's ball through the grass, with a trajectory that appeared just off Dale's position. A near miss, it appeared, but actually no - this was a perfect tangent. Both umpires and several spectators noted that Dale's ball definitely moved - a brush is as good as a head-on knock! An appropriately subtle and yet forceful statement by Joe Moschak. Revenge is rarely as sweet as Moschak's face promised this one would be. His focus yielded to a gloriously fiendish grin and nervous laughter from Dale. Moschak calculated a trajectory to send Dale solidly off into the unlit East rough, and provided a sufficient force to put Dale about 20 feet off the course. There it was, Hurricane Joe coming in as a quiet wind, and sending Dale off in a fiery storm. Dale, now out in the boonies hunted for his ball for a few minutes, and decided to give it the heave ho. Dale's werewolf moniker did not come by coincidence. This is a man who gives off a mild-mannered, good-natured glow, but turns into a croquet hungry beast as soon as the sun sets and the pearly light of the moon hits smoothly cropped grass. And that beast, left to handle a mallet under the full glow of the moon can perform super-human deeds. Such was this moment, and such was the deed. A magnificent return knock by Dale brought the ball back, not only on the court, but on a path perfectly destined to miss Moschak's ball by only inches.
Moschak, vendetta still not fulfilled, and perhaps further exacerbated by Dale's quick return to the green, took another aim at croqueting Dale. A solid knock of balls, and Moschak sent Dale off into the South rough this time. The crowd cheered with the sort of bloodlust that had in past been reserved for gladiators in Nero's stadium. But weren't these croqueteers gladiators for a new generation? Undaunted by the crowd or the rough, Dale took a confident swing at the ball, and 'Jumping Jehosophat'! His ball returned with incredible precision to knock right on Moschak's! Unbelievable. The crowd went wild. Dale was ecstatic. Moschak was crestfallen. As was only to be expected, Dale sent Moschak well off into the North woods, with corn fields only inches away. Moschak was down for the count, with not a chance of return. Dale's troubles weren't over yet, however. Reeder moved forward to stake 12. Eric, with a couple of mis-strokes on his last turn, needed to get back in the right direction for his final run to the home stake. A good stroke positioned him well for a relatively easy finish. Dale, still salivating after 2nd place, decided to take Eric down. A relatively easy attempt at croqueting failed by inches. Eric decided to go after Dale, realizing that any other move would still leave Dale on his back. A quick croquet and a strong swing sent Dale far off into the South-West woods - a good 50 to 60 feet off the green. A tremendous showing, and perhaps the first time we've seen air as Dale's ball was lofted a good 1-2 feet off the ground in it's transit off the pitch.
Eric, now at least relatively safe, went after the home stake with confidence, and moved off the field. Reeder must have had visions of glory at this point - Dale definitely out of the running, Moschak still way off as well, and no other obstacles to 3rd place. With 3 solid strokes, Dale was back on the green, as was Moschak, coming in on the North side. Dale's lead still required only that he hit home stake, with Reeder still needing wickets 13 and 14. Moschak was also heading for 13 and 14. Dale's strong strokes brought him back within vicinity of Reeder and home stake. Reeder now realized that Dale would have to be knocked off course again to take a position at the winner's circle. With Dale only feet away, Reeder went for croquet, with success. Reeder now had a good amount of deliberating to do. Sending Dale North had not worked. South, likewise, had not put him down. And even a 60 ft expedition into the woods brought him back like a rottweiller with his favorite bone. Reeder opted for one more attempt into the West woods. Robert removed both shoe and sock from his left foot, and solidly clenched his ball, with Dale's butted up close. He took a decisive swing, with intent to send Dale flying off into the darkness. And instead of the usually welcome hard-knock of mallet against ball, all we heard was a 'Chunk'. Massive wedge! Oh my god! An opportunity of magnificent proportions lost to one errant swing. Would Dale's luck never let up? The home stake was 4 feet from Dale, an easy shot. Robert's ball was inches away. Dale has never been one to forgo an easy croquet, even when a winner's tie was so close. He went for the croquet, then for a strategic and technically superior shot. Dale positioned himself at Reeder's ball in such calculated form that a whack would send Reeder off course, and still send Dale's ball to the home stake. Naturally, skepticism abounded, what with the darkness, the odds against getting the right angle, and the crowd's inability to comprehend Dale's phenomenal return. But the shot was good, and Dale resoundingly won 3rd place.
This final round of croquet buffs started off strong for the most part. Reeder, however, was foiled at the onset by a sidewards deflection by Dale, putting him a few feet off his path to wicket 2. Palpable disappointment for Robert, who had fancied himself to have a strong lead. Hans Olsen in the lead at wicket 4, with Eric approaching at a strong second place. Joe Moschak and Dale not far behind just before #3. Eric and Hans moved on briskly, past 5, then on to 6. Hans lined up for a single stroke run to the half-way stake. Eric, 2 wickets behind, was still in the running, with the confidence that only a maroon jacket with rhinestones can impart.
The return trip started strong for Hans, with a single two wicket knock, which gave him 2 extra strokes. This is the sort of advantage that is often very hard to fight against, but never discount Eric Rusch, or the fanaticism that a BCC jacket brings! That's often the big question in events such as this - whether the attachment to the jacket trumps the desire to disrobe the sitting champion. This is the battle that Olsen and Rusch embarked on. Olsen, now at 11, which coincided with Reeder's wicket 4, put Reeder in a perfect position to destroy Hans' lead. Would he be swayed by Dale's ruthless strategy of knocking all opponents off course, or for Joe's patient and poised plan for a fair game? The crowds, as was to be expected, rooted for the former. Reeder, not one to fall for the dark side of emotional outbursts, barely glanced at Olsen's ball as he headed on towards 5 - which left Olsen still in the running for the home stretch. Given the state of the moon, i.e., full, Dale was virtually frothing at the mouth with the disapproval of Robert's conscientious move. Had Dale been given the opportunity to take on Olsen's ball, Hans may have been left out in the cornfields with a flashlight for a few hours. The crowd's disappointment with Reeder's fairness was just as visceral. Olsen, now with an open run to the home stake, took wicket 12 with ease, and positioned himself for a clear run.
Eric, now very aware of the fleeting nature of celebrity, and practically feeling the jacket ripped off his back by a vicious Hans Olsen, decided to go for some Hail Mary moves - attempted to knock Olsen's ball at 15 paces. But some things are just not meant to be. A miss of a few inches may as well have been a tossed mallet, and Eric's disappointment was felt by all. Then again, the crowd changes camp easily around here and it's possible that Eric's celebrity status was just not that favored any more. A clean stroke by Hans, a solid pegging of the home stake, and Hans was clawing at Eric's back, as was only to be expected. Eric, with obvious distaste for this upstart from Olsen, reluctantly disrobed, and at the final moments still clutched earnestly the lapels of the maroon jacket. Olsen, the obvious winner by at least 2 wickets, having no time or sympathy for the feelings of this man who got to wear the winner's blazer for a few weeks, snatched the jacket off Eric's grubby hands, and donned it with much evident glee! Olsen, proving definitely not to be underestimated came through on his promise to kick asses, take names, and come out ahead.
This left Eric and Dale vying for second place. Dale, one wicket behind Eric, was definitely in full lupine form - not wanting to allow Eric to win without a vicious fight. Reeder, now on the return leg worked conscientiously through the remaining wickets. The crowd may have been ready to write this solid player off, but this is one guy that does not say die! Meanwhile Moschak, who everyone had learned to never write off, was advancing on Dale. It may be recalled that Moschak had a vendetta with Dale - not one that anyone would have expected this mild-manner gentleman on the course to hold to, but then again, nothing's a sure thing at the BCC! Moschak, at 10 paces decided to go for a croquet against Dale. A total crowd pleaser, since this is exactly what this crowd bared favorable weather and excellent food for (yes, they're a vicious sort of audience out in the corn fields). Moschak's solid ball knocking sent Stephen's ball through the grass, with a trajectory that appeared just off Dale's position. A near miss, it appeared, but actually no - this was a perfect tangent. Both umpires and several spectators noted that Dale's ball definitely moved - a brush is as good as a head-on knock! An appropriately subtle and yet forceful statement by Joe Moschak. Revenge is rarely as sweet as Moschak's face promised this one would be. His focus yielded to a gloriously fiendish grin and nervous laughter from Dale. Moschak calculated a trajectory to send Dale solidly off into the unlit East rough, and provided a sufficient force to put Dale about 20 feet off the course. There it was, Hurricane Joe coming in as a quiet wind, and sending Dale off in a fiery storm. Dale, now out in the boonies hunted for his ball for a few minutes, and decided to give it the heave ho. Dale's werewolf moniker did not come by coincidence. This is a man who gives off a mild-mannered, good-natured glow, but turns into a croquet hungry beast as soon as the sun sets and the pearly light of the moon hits smoothly cropped grass. And that beast, left to handle a mallet under the full glow of the moon can perform super-human deeds. Such was this moment, and such was the deed. A magnificent return knock by Dale brought the ball back, not only on the court, but on a path perfectly destined to miss Moschak's ball by only inches.
Moschak, vendetta still not fulfilled, and perhaps further exacerbated by Dale's quick return to the green, took another aim at croqueting Dale. A solid knock of balls, and Moschak sent Dale off into the South rough this time. The crowd cheered with the sort of bloodlust that had in past been reserved for gladiators in Nero's stadium. But weren't these croqueteers gladiators for a new generation? Undaunted by the crowd or the rough, Dale took a confident swing at the ball, and 'Jumping Jehosophat'! His ball returned with incredible precision to knock right on Moschak's! Unbelievable. The crowd went wild. Dale was ecstatic. Moschak was crestfallen. As was only to be expected, Dale sent Moschak well off into the North woods, with corn fields only inches away. Moschak was down for the count, with not a chance of return. Dale's troubles weren't over yet, however. Reeder moved forward to stake 12. Eric, with a couple of mis-strokes on his last turn, needed to get back in the right direction for his final run to the home stake. A good stroke positioned him well for a relatively easy finish. Dale, still salivating after 2nd place, decided to take Eric down. A relatively easy attempt at croqueting failed by inches. Eric decided to go after Dale, realizing that any other move would still leave Dale on his back. A quick croquet and a strong swing sent Dale far off into the South-West woods - a good 50 to 60 feet off the green. A tremendous showing, and perhaps the first time we've seen air as Dale's ball was lofted a good 1-2 feet off the ground in it's transit off the pitch.
Eric, now at least relatively safe, went after the home stake with confidence, and moved off the field. Reeder must have had visions of glory at this point - Dale definitely out of the running, Moschak still way off as well, and no other obstacles to 3rd place. With 3 solid strokes, Dale was back on the green, as was Moschak, coming in on the North side. Dale's lead still required only that he hit home stake, with Reeder still needing wickets 13 and 14. Moschak was also heading for 13 and 14. Dale's strong strokes brought him back within vicinity of Reeder and home stake. Reeder now realized that Dale would have to be knocked off course again to take a position at the winner's circle. With Dale only feet away, Reeder went for croquet, with success. Reeder now had a good amount of deliberating to do. Sending Dale North had not worked. South, likewise, had not put him down. And even a 60 ft expedition into the woods brought him back like a rottweiller with his favorite bone. Reeder opted for one more attempt into the West woods. Robert removed both shoe and sock from his left foot, and solidly clenched his ball, with Dale's butted up close. He took a decisive swing, with intent to send Dale flying off into the darkness. And instead of the usually welcome hard-knock of mallet against ball, all we heard was a 'Chunk'. Massive wedge! Oh my god! An opportunity of magnificent proportions lost to one errant swing. Would Dale's luck never let up? The home stake was 4 feet from Dale, an easy shot. Robert's ball was inches away. Dale has never been one to forgo an easy croquet, even when a winner's tie was so close. He went for the croquet, then for a strategic and technically superior shot. Dale positioned himself at Reeder's ball in such calculated form that a whack would send Reeder off course, and still send Dale's ball to the home stake. Naturally, skepticism abounded, what with the darkness, the odds against getting the right angle, and the crowd's inability to comprehend Dale's phenomenal return. But the shot was good, and Dale resoundingly won 3rd place.
The final results saw "Werewolf" Dale Stephens at 3rd, with his blue tie reading "Eat your Wheaties"; Eric "I-used-to-be-Champ" Rusch demoted to 2nd wearing a red tie emblazoned with "Almost Sucka"; and the unstoppable Hans "I'm Gonna Kick Their Ass" Olsen strutting around in his purple blazer and gold tie reading "Master of the Mallet" in 1st place.
posted by sundar @ 10:02 AM
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